The Glue

"Where the hell did that glue go now?!" I yelled to myself while I was unable to find the tube. A small tube containing an adhesive can be, at times, so important.

My life, just when I thought had begun, started to end. It felt like I had just breathed in life but in a few seconds it was time to breathe it out. 

It all started with that day. I was never a person to go to someone and strike a conversation. But I did that with you. It felt strange to talk to you as you gave me a bit of familiarity everyday. It felt strange that day with you and it feels strange now without you. I never realized, like people do in the movies when they see each other, that you were the one. It is the realization that I have now, when it's too late. It's not that I didn't know how important you were to me before. It's just that I want to say it out loud now, now that I don't have you anymore. 

"You were important..." I breathe out the words to myself. The words sound blurred as if you know what it is but can't quite decipher it.

Some people say it hurts more when a person you love leaves without you knowing it. Some say that it hurts more when you already know that the person you love is going to leave soon. Some even say that it hurts the most when the person you love leaves abruptly. 

But it hurts the same. Because in the end you lost someone you loved.

I felt grateful to every entity people in the world believe to exist, for having you until the moment I lost you."I'm still grateful...." I say to myself trying to keep my voice clear and less blurred than before. I want to believe those words to be the truth but it feels unfair. It feels unfair to now deal with  nonsensical people all alone. It feels unfair to listen to your favorite music all alone. It feels unfair to watch a movie which you had recommended and I had ignored. It feels unfair that gossips still continue to circulate without you. It feels unfair that people still laugh and are happy without you. It feels unfair that the milkman with whom you often used to argue, gives me a sympathetic look on hearing about you. It feels unfair that I'm here but you are not. 

I take a look around me. Nothing has changed. Even that shit-colored rug which is the most irritating thing in the world lies there. Everything is as you left it. Everything is stuck to their place as if glued. I can not bear to move them an inch. It feels like I applied the glue to everything that reminds me of you, to hold my life together. It feels that as soon as the effect of the glue fades away, everything will fall off their places. My life will splinter as the handle of the mug has.

The word glue makes me snap out of the ever-ending pool of thoughts. I gaze at the broken handle of the mug. This was the mug I had bought when we had newly moved in, in this house because I could not bear to drink coffee from a steel glass! 

My life looks like that mug right now. Even if my life can go on without you just like that mug can be used without its handle, it makes no sense. The mug will continue to be used, but it will now spend the rest of its materialistic life as broken. My life will go on (helplessly) but all my life that broken part will be visible through me.

I stand up and ruffle through my clothes and there I find the glue. I, with a bit of struggle, stick the handle back to its position. It looks fine. I place the mug where you used to and gather my thoughts before I go to the kitchen to throw the empty bottle of glue in the trash-bin.

 I decide to end the reminiscing session with myself, as I stare out the kitchen window at the people carrying out their daily activities as if nothing has happened,  with a promise of never letting the glue of my life that holds you close to my life ever fade away. 

                                                                                                                  

                                                                                                                      ~ From a friend to the Friend